The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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