Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
