Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
