I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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