$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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