i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
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No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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