ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
