Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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