he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize