Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
