My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
