Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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