Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
