Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
