life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
