Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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