I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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