Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
