I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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