Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
