matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
