He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
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Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
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Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack