So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.