1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
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he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
40s are totally the cure
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager