I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
