I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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