she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
