Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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