I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
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It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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