Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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