garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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