I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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