i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
