if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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