help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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