Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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