So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
