yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
