I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
