Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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