JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize