It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
