there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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