So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
