Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
