after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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