Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
