hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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