Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
