She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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