ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
