**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
