Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
