Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
