I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
