He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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