Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize