i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
