Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize