yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
