you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize