How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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