After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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