complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
