I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
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I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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