Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
