He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
