I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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