i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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