I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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