By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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