Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
