Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
